


I Don't Know How To Love Him

by Scouts_Rocketship



Series: 101 Ways to Deal with Feelings [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Overthinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:22:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22097083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scouts_Rocketship/pseuds/Scouts_Rocketship
Summary: Renjun was never the type to jump into things without thinking. He liked being able to know what to do before doing said thing.So when he finds himself falling in love with a boy he just met, he freaks out.Inspired by the song, I Don't Know How To Love Him from the musical Jesus Christ Superstar :D
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: 101 Ways to Deal with Feelings [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590487
Comments: 16
Kudos: 84





	1. Nomad

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long to do, and i promise that the other chapters aren't this long. I just,,,got too carried away hehe. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Ever since Renjun was young, he had kept his heart closely guarded. It wasn’t like he went through a traumatic experience or anything. He just moved around a lot. It was tiring to go through the heartbreak and tears every end of the year. Instead, he settled on observing his peers instead of joining in, but Renjun finds that the pain of knowing that he could never have that was far worse than saying goodbye.

Thus, Renjun decided to give up on friendship altogether

So when Renjun moved to Shanghai for fifth grade (this would have been his sixth school), he didn’t expect much. 

“Hello, my name is Huang Renjun,” Renjun introduced himself in front of the class monotonously and made his way to the empty chair that the teacher pointed to. 

“Hi, Renjun! I’m Yukhei! You can call me Xuxi if you want,” the boy beside him enthusiastically said, just as Renjun settled down on his own chair.  _ Great, he’s a talker. _

“Yukhei?” Renjun asked, raising his eyebrow. Xuxi and Yukhei were no way near each other.

“Yukhei is Cantonese! Xuxi is Mandarin,” the boy explained.

Unable to satiate his curiosity, Renjun asked, “What do people usually call you?”

“Since we’re in Shanghai, people mostly use Xuxi. I don’t mind even though I like it when people call me Yukhei but-” “Xuxi, Renjun, pay attention!” the strict voice of their teacher resonated throughout the class.

Renjun felt himself flush as the eyes of their peers gazed at them as if scrutinizing the bad behaviour. All Xuxi, Yukhei, whatever his name is, did was laugh, “Yes, ma’am!”

Annoyed at the boy’s carefree attitude, Renjun internally swore to himself that he will  _ not  _ associate with the boy beside him. Everything about Yukhei just smelled of trouble and attention, and Renjun was very much not a big fan of it.

Over the first week of his stay in the school, Renjun managed to successfully dodge every attempt from his classmates in terms of socializing. He found a relatively small and hidden garden just at the back of the school, quickly becoming his favourite spot. No one bothered him here and he was thankful for that. Until of course, a certain troublemaker made his way to Renjun’s haven.

“Oh hey! There you are!” a voice exclaimed. An eerily familiar and annoying voice.

Sighing a bit at the intrusion, Renjun’s gaze shifted from his mom’s lovely homemade food to the panting boy standing near the rickety wooden door.

“Go away,” Renjun dismissed, hoping that his cold attitude would be enough to drive the boy away.

“But you’re alone,” Yukhei defended quietly, awkwardly standing near the door as he fidgeted with his hands.

“I’m fine being alone. Go to your friends,” Renjun assured, his tone softening at the vulnerable sight before him. Though Renjun did find the boy annoying, he wasn’t mean enough to disregard people’s emotions.

“But I wanna be with you,” Yukhei pouted. It was only then that Renjun noticed the superhero lunch box that was hidden behind the taller man.

Renjun sighed. He couldn’t, in whatever remains of his good conscience, turn down the boy. “Fine. But only for today.”

Yukhei immediately beamed and sat beside Renjun. The moment Yukhei sat down, the silence that once surrounded Renjun was destroyed and was replaced by chatter. It was louder and more lively than Renjun expected but he tolerated it. It was only for one day anyways.

Renjun was wrong. What was supposed to be a one-day event became a daily occurrence. At first, Renjun resisted enjoying the company and even went as far as to shoo the taller boy, but somehow, Renjun found himself laughing along.

It was totally against the rules that Renjun had set for himself, but the persistence of his seatmate was much more trouble than they were worth. He didn’t know when, but Yukhei’s presence has become a part of what he has deemed his safe place. Then, the day came that Yukhei couldn’t make it to their garden.

“I can’t go to the garden today. Xiajoun and Yangyang kept bothering me since I haven’t been with them in weeks and-” Yukehi brought up, refusing to look at Renjun in the eyes. 

“It’s fine Yukhei. You can go with your friends. I have been keeping you from them after all,” Renjun cut off, painfully aware that it is clearly not fine and he would probably be deafened by the silence of the garden but who was he to argue? Yukhei had other friends and Renjun had no right to stop him.

“You can come with?” Yukhei blurted out, his eyes widening at his own boldness.

“I mean, you don’t have to! It’s just, I really like spending time with you and I would  _ love _ it if you met my other friends. I know you’re not a big fan of people and that’s fine. I just do-” Yukhei rambled in panic.

“Okay,” Renjun found himself agreeing, surprising both himself and Yukhei. 

Just as he was about to take back what he said, Yukhei smiled, “Awesome! I’ll go tell the others!”

Before Yukhei left, he rested a hand on top of Renjun’s shoulder, “Thank you, Injun. I’ll make sure you’ll have a great time.”

And with that, Yukhei left screeching for Xiaojun and Yangyang. Renjun just stood there willing himself to calm down his racing heart.  _ I’m probably just nervous _ , he justified. 

_ Yukhei will be there and it’ll all be fine.  _ A flash of Yukhei’s beautiful smile came to Renjun’s mind and had his heart racing faster than before.  _ Wow, he was really nervous _ .

Lunch came too soon for Renjun. He stilled his breathing and tried meditating the way he saw Master Shifu from Kung Fu Panda do. On the other hand, Yukhei was practically buzzing with excitement.

“You’ll love them, promise!” Yukhei exclaimed as they were on the way to the cafeteria. Some of their classmates threw them inquisitive looks but they didn’t pay them any mind.

“I trust you,” Renjun said, loud enough for only Yukhei to hear.

Yukhei sent Renjun another one of his breathtaking smiles, causing Renjun to look away in fear of his heartbeat accelerating again.  _ What the hell? _

“Can I hold your hand?” Yukhei asked, stopping just before the cafeteria doors. Other students simply passing by them.

“Why?” was all Renjun could say, not trusting his voice enough to carry on.

“I’m nervous,” Yukhei lied horribly. Both of them are very well aware that it was Renjun who was nervous, but Renjun would rather die than admit that.

Renjun opted to hold Yukhei’s hand in lieu of answering, blushing in the process. “L-Let’s go,” Renjun stuttered.

“Y-yeah,” Yukhei answered, blushing as bad as Renjun. 

And then they walked in. 

Renjun didn’t know it at that time but the moment he stepped in the cafeteria, he broke all his rules. He befriended people and found himself caring for Yangyang, Xiajun and most especially, Yukhei.

Least to say,that was Renjun’s fondest time in China. 

But like all good things, it came to an end. Renjun had to move away again for sixth grade to a school in Beijing. The day he had to leave was by far the most painful goodbye he ever had to do.

“Are-Are you gonna come back?” Yukhei sniffed as he held onto Renjun’s relatively smaller frame.

“Don’t be silly,” Renjun said, trying not to break down.

“I’m not going to come back. My parents never go back to the same place,” Renjun answered, awkwardly patting Yukhei’s back. Unfortunately, some of his tears managed to escape and run down his cheek.  _ So much for strong will. _

“So-So I won’t see you a-again?” Yukhei asked, his voice quivering. 

“I’m afraid so,” Renjun answered, his own voice starting to break.

Yukhei cried harder and hugged Renjun even tighter. “I’m gonna miss you,” Yukhei managed to say.

_ Screw it. _

__ “I’m gonna miss you too,” Rejun replied and hugged Yukhei back just as tight. He had tears full on falling at this point and somehow, Renjun didn’t care. 

“Renjun, honey? It’s time to go now,” Renjun’s mom called out, forcing himself to detach from Yukhei.

“I’ll message you okay?” Renjun said, trying his best to smile for Yukhei.

Yukhei nodded, his snot still spilling from his nose. “Yes! I’ll message you everyday!”

Renjun snorted at Yukhei’s exclamation and said, “It doesn’t have to be everyday, you idiot. You’ have a life here.”

“No! I’ll message you everyday! I want you in my life, Injunnie,” Yukhei proclaimed, the fire in his eyes burning.

He wasn’t gonna lie, Renjun was touched at Yukhei’s statement and could only smile fondly. “Thank you, Yukhei. Thank you so much for everything. I’ll be sure to keep in touch with you everyday.”

“Promise?” Yukhei asked, sticking his pinky finger out.

“Promise,” Renjun answered, wrapping his own pinky finger with Yukhei’s.

“Renjun, sweetie. Let’s go. We’re going to miss our flight,” Renjun’s mother reminded.

“Okay ma! I’ll be there!” Renjun called out.

Renjun hugged Yukhei, surprising the latter. Renjun never initiated any physical contact so this was a first.

“Bye bye,” Renjun whispered, before pulling away and running to the car that his parents were waiting in. Renjun refused to turn around and look at Yukhei as they left, too afraid that the sight of his friend would break away whatever facade he had left.

That was the last time Yukhei and Renjun saw each other in real life. True to their word, they kept in contact almost every day. Their topics ranging from anything and everything, sometimes even staying up late until the wee hours of the morning.

  
When his parents told him that they would be moving to Korea for eight grade, their talks started getting shorter. To prepare himself for the transition, Renjun got busy studying Korean.  _ It surely wasn’t because he was trying to avoid feeling whatever he was feeling whenever he talked to boy. Surely.  _


	2. Making Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Yukhei, Renjun supposes that it wouldn't hurt to try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> projection? mayhaps

Their talks completely stopped once Renjun found himself in Korea during the 8th grade. Without dwelling too much in the sadness of losing one of the most special people in his life, Renjun threw himself in Korean culture.

Korea was completely new and different from what he was used to. There was a culture shock for sure, but Renjun found that the language the hardest. It proved to be a barrier and it frustrated Renjun to no end when he screwed up over and over again.

Thankfully, his school had other Chinese transfer students and though Renjun wasn’t the type to befriend other people, he needed to get his way around. 

What started out as a need for survival somehow became a friendship. Chenle and Sicheng were really nice and welcoming if anything, Renjun found Chenle to be a bit too chaotic sometimes. But it was fine. Renjun welcomed a loud personality. Maybe a bit too easily. Renjun refused to think about the reason why.  _ It’s absolutely not because it reminds me of someone. Chenle is just nice. _

But since neither Chenle or Sicheng was his age, they introduced him to Jaemin, Jeno and Donghyuck. Admittedly, at first, Renjun only hung out with the three of them just for the sake of Chenle and Sicheng. It took time of course, six months max, before Renjun could admit to himself that he considered them friends.

He started getting attached to the rowdy bunch and found himself back as the ten-year-old kid crying his heart out in the arms of Yukhei. And boy oh boy was he terrified.

As a result, he did the one thing he knew well - he hid. He made excuses and bailed out of hangouts as often as he could. He thought it was going to work because after all, they didn’t know each other well enough. It was just Renjun getting attached too quickly, so he was surprised when he was proven wrong.

“Okay listen up Renjun. What the fuck has been going on with you?” Donghyuck immediately asked after managing to corner Renjun in the library. 

“Hyuck, not too loud. We’re gonna get kicked out,” Jeno reasoned out, but Renjun could see his fists were clenched. 

“So why have you been avoiding us?” Jaemin asked, his tone dangerously quiet. Renjun inwardly flinched.

His eyes flitted away from the group of people in front of him and around his environment in hopes of finding an excuse to leave. A habit that he acquired and has been trying very hard to break because, as his mom said, “ _ You can’t run away from your problems forever.” _

_ Watch me _ , Renjun remembers retorting in his mind.

“No, you’re not getting away this time,” Jeno was the one to say, much to Renjun’s surprise, and moved to block Renjun’s only path of escape.

Renjun sighed and slumped over. He knows by now that whatever they decide to do, they will push through. He was better off trying to solve the calculus problem that he was answering than getting away from the three demons. 

“Answer us, Renjun. Your attitude right now is totally not cool,” Donghyuck huffed while crossing his arms.

Giving up, Renjun thought for a while. What was he gonna say?  _ Oh, I’ve been avoiding you guys because I will most probably move away next year and I don’t think I can handle saying goodbye to you guys? Definitely not. _

“I might be moving away next year,” he settled in saying.

Donghyuck chortled, Jaemin scoffed and Jeno maintained his understanding expression. “So? Who cares if you’re moving away next year, we’ll be friends as long as we can,” Jaemin sassed, not grasping Renjun’s concern.

Renjun sighed in frustration, “No, you don’t get it. Keeping in contact is useless okay? 

We’ll stop being friends either way.” 

“So what? You’re just going to give up being our friend now because it’s uncertain if we will remain friends in the future?” Donghyuck fired back.

“Yes! It’ll save all of us time, okay?”  _ and pain,  _ Renjun added in his brain.

“That’s the most stupid thing i’ve ever heard! I -” Donghyuck started, but was cut off by Jeno’s voice.

“Renjun-ah,” Jeno called out.

All eyes were on Jeno yet he continued, “You like drawing on the board right?”

Everyone was visibly confused as to what Jeno said, but Renjun muttered out a confused, “Yeah?”

“Well why do you like drawing on it when you know it’s gonna get erased?” Jeno continued.

Feeling slightly offended, Renjun defended himself, “Well it’s pretty okay! I like what I make.”

“Well that’s the same as friendship, okay. Even though it could be erased, we still do it because it’s beautiful, alright? Nothing is certain. I don’t if I’ll still be friends with Jaemin or Hyuck in the future but I know that I love them and our friendship” Jeno explained.

Did Renjun full understand? Absolutely not. But does he see where his friends are coming from? Yes. He supposes that to them, the pain of separation is worth the beauty of friendship. The idea alone, to him at least, was ridiculous and reminded him too much of Yukhei and his continuous insistence on being friends. 

Renjun didn’t know if it was because of the remembrance of Yukhei, if he just wasn’t thinking, if he was just overwhelmed by their presence or if it was all of the above, but eventually, he replied, “I think I get it.”

All three of them simultaneously smiled in relief. Donghyuck was the one to break the silence by saying. “Alright! Now let’s go and actually hang out now! You have a lot of making up to do mister!”

Jaemin cheered as loud as he could in the library and carelessly packed up Renjun’s belongings. “You have no choice now. I have your stuff,” Jaemin said, proudly flaunting the horribly packed luggage. Some of his calculus notes were crumpled and Renjun mentally groaned at having to deal with it later.

Donghyuck whooped in agreement, earning a loud shush from the librarian (which was promptly ignored by the former), and started his way to the door. Jaemin happily followed Donghyuck behind, leaving Renjun by himself to sigh and think if whatever he was doing was a good decision. 

A warm hand snapped him out of his stupor, and he was met by Jeno’s kind eyes. “Come on, let’s go.”

So Renjun stood up, and for the first time, decided to join in on hanging out with friends rather than staying isolated.

_ I hope this is worth it. _


	3. College, Here We Go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, his friends realize that Renjun truly does love them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter but hope you guys enjoy hehe

That event happened years ago. Renjun was still waiting for his parents to come into his room one day and tell him that he was going to be away again, but it never came. When asked about, Renjun’s parents said that they were going to be in Korea until he was in college since the company they work for worked differently in Korea rather than in China.

Though the assurance that Renjun wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, the fear of losing his friends was still very prevalent. Thankfully, his friends were very much aware of Renjun’s tendency to overthink and tried their best to be there for him. They never let him isolate himself nor pressured him to open up, and Renjun was extremely thankful for that.

Renjun knew he wasn’t good at expressing his affection, more often than not expressing his feelings through teasing and banter, so maybe he should’ve expected this.

“I’m going to Seoul University,” Renjun said, causing the five boys to stop in their actions and stare at him. After a minute has passed and they showed no signs of movement, he took matters in his own hands.

“Stop staring at me. It’s creepy,” Renjun uttered out, uncomfortable with the rare silence that has fallen within his friend group.

“I know, I know, sorry. It’s just,” Jaemin trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

“Hyung, you’re going to Seoul University,” Jisung stated.

Renjun turned to look at the maknae. They met two years ago when Chenle brought him along one of their hangouts. It took approximately six months for Renjun and Jisung to talk comfortably with each other. It took nearly a year and a half for Renjun to consider Jisung a friend, but Jisung immediately wormed his way into Renjun’s cold cold heart.

Renjun lowered his defense when he saw Jisung’s hopeful face. “Yes, Sungie. I’ll be going to Seoul University.”

“Even when you’re parents are going back home to China?” Chenle asked, unable to hide the happiness that’s bubbling up inside.

Renjun sighed saying the thing he knows his friends want to hear, “Yes. I’ll be staying here in Korea for university. My parents allowed me.”

Renjun was brought back to the time he told his mom about his decision. His mom smiled at him fondly and said, “I’m proud of you. Whatever you decide to do, we will support you,” and if Renjun cried like a bitch, no one didn’t have to know.

A sudden cheer brought him back from his reverie. Donghyuck’s cheer prompted everyone else to follow along. 

“I knew you always cared for us,” Donghyuck cheekily said, hugging Renjun’s arm.

Physical contact, Renjun finds, is completely uncomfortable. But since his friends were smiling like they just won the lottery, Renjun allowed it. He allowed himself to be smothered by hugs and kisses, courtesy of Donghyuck, Jaemin, and Chenle, and bro-hugged by Jisung and Jeno.

“Wait!” Donghyuck exclaimed, effectively causing everyone to stop in their celebration.

“Where are you gonna stay?” Donghyuck asked.

“Oh, Sicheng ge arranged it. He got Jaehyun hyung’s friend to room with me,” Renjun replied.

“You got Sicheng ge to help you?” “You got Jaehyun hyung to help you?” Chenle and Donghyuck exclaimed at the same time.

“Sicheng ge wouldn’t even feed me,” Chenle pouted, earning him a thunk on the head from Renjun.

“That’s because Kun hyung cooks for all of us!” Jisung added.

Chenle normally would’ve retorted but since it was Jisung and he’s had a big fat crush on him since forever, Chenle conceded, allowing another drama queen to shine.

“I asked Jaehyun hyung to help me find a roommate! Did he help me? His boyfriend’s absolutely adorable brother? No!” Donghyuck proclaimed.

Jaeming rolled his eyes and said, “I wouldn’t say adorable is the best description.”

Jeno laughed at Jaemin’s remark, which resulted in Donghyuck glaring at the two of them.

“Shut up both of you. You left me alone!” Donghyuck threatened, glaring at the two. Jeno and Jaemin immediately closed their mouths and made a poor attempt at concealing their laughter.

“If it helps, I don’t even know who my roommate is,” Renjun said, trying to appease the situation. 

“Isn’t that dangerous? You don’t even know their name?” Chenle asked, concern leaking into his tone.

“All I know that he’s a freshman and his name is Mark Lee,” Renjun replied, nonchalantly relaying the information that Sicheng gave him.

“WHAT? Mark Lee?!” Donghyuck shouted, enraged.

“The nerve! I thought we were friends! This is true betrayal at it’s finest,” Donghyuck grumbled, walking back to the corner where all of their bags were.

“Wait, Hyuckie, do you know him?” Renjun asked, intrigued in finding a connection with his unknown roommate.

“Know him? Jaehyung hyung introduced us to each other in hopes of Mark having friends! I did a favour for him and this is how he repays me? The nerve! I’m telling Taeyong hyung about this!” Donghyuck spoke rapidly as he fished out his phone from his bag and dialed a number.

Not even a few seconds after Donghyuck finished his rant, it seemed that the person Donghyuck called answered and everyone else was left to hear Donghyuck’s screams.

Chenle and Jisung were hovering around Donghyuck, trying to listen in on the conversation, while Jemin and Jeno just laughed hysterically at the out of context phrases Donghyuck was throwing around. It was chaotic and loud. Jaemin’s mom had to come to the room once to ask them to tone down. 

Though there are things that still needed to be settled, Renjun can’t help but look around Jaemin’s room and be content with his decision. Sure, he will miss his parents but being here in Korea, surrounded by the people that he loves and loves him, he believes that everything will be alright.


	4. First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if first days couldn't get any more terrifying, Renjun just had to see the person that used to cause his heart to beat abnormally fast.
> 
> Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda long chapter, hope you guys don't mind!

The first day of college was, in Renjun’s humble opinion, wack. 

He met Mark the day before orientation, and thanks to Donghyuck’s description, Mark was absolutely the same nerd that he expected. Mark was shy at first but somehow managed to continue conversation despite the lack of Renjun’s closed-off demeanor. _ I can definitely see why Hyuck has a crush on him, _ Renjun thought already hearing the stutter of denial.

When they got to the freshman orientation, they were divided by course. Since none of them were in the same course, Renjun was stood there alone in the line of other Biology students. The only comfort Renjun has right now is the knowledge that his other friends were also alone.  _ Though that may not be a problem for Hyuck and Jaemin, but still _ .

Donghyuck was in Economics, Jeno was in Environmental Science, Jaemin was in Business Management and Mark was in Computer Science. 

The kids in Biology were...nice. The majority of them were just as closed off as Renjun, so there wasn’t really much talking among each other. Renjun didn’t mind, the quietness was a nice change from the chaos that his friends always brought. A loud voice though disrupted the silence.

“Hello! Sorry for being late” someone shouted. They were in line to go into the auditorium along with some other science courses, so naturally, everyone turned to see who shouted.

A tall, well-built man stood, well towered, over everyone and smiled. Renjun’s first initial thought was, ‘Wow he’s hot,” followed by “He’s like Minho sunbaenim and a golden retriever combined.’

Due to the lack of response, ‘Minho’ looked around in confusion and asked, “Are you guys Biology?”

His Korean was broken, but the adorable confused expression that he had made everyone smile. Eventually, someone answered, “Yeah, we’re Biology students.”

‘Minho’ clapped his hands and happily exclaimed, “Awesome! I’m Lucas! I came from China.”

Instinctively, the guy beside him, Seungmin he found out, looked towards Renjun at the mention of China. Renjun responded with a quick glare that he hoped would be a sign to shut up. Seungmin apparently wasn’t very observant.

“He’s from China too!” 

Renjun hid his annoyance and looked away, hoping that his indifference would make it seem like Seungmin wasn’t talking about him. The footsteps approaching him were indicative signs that it wasn’t working.

“Are you from China?” Renjun heard Lucas ask Seungmin. He busied himself by scanning around the room for a familiar face until he made eye contact with Jeno.

There was silence, probably Seungmin shaking his head, before Seungmin’s voice spoke, “No, but Renjun is.” Jeno looked at Renjun with a bit of concern since it was very clear that Renjun was avoiding talking to the people in front of him.

Renjun felt a tap on his shoulder and heard Lucas’ voice clearly directed at him. “Are you from China?” Jeno nodded to Renjun in encouragement, causing Renjun to sigh and face the tall man.

“Yes,” Renjun answered in Korean.

He saw Lucas’ eyes fill up with excitement and he began babbling in Chinese, “That’s awesome! I was so scared of not adjusting to the language since this is the first time I’ve been in Korea. Is it okay if I stick with you?”

“Don’t you have any other friends?” Renjun snapped in Chinese, already annoyed at Lucas for acting too friendly. 

Lucas immediately deflated and he looked down dejectedly, vaguely reminding Renjun of a dejected puppy, “Not really. I only know one person here, but he’s working already. If you don’t want to be friends, it’s okay.”

Feeling guilty, Renjun reassured, “I never said I didn’t want to be your friend, you idiot.” 

Hearing Renjun’s statement caused Lucas to look at him dead in the eye and blind Renjun with a happy smile. The sudden smile shocked Renjun, not just because it was hands down one of the most beautiful smiles he has ever seen (sorry Jeno), but also because it looked too much like someone he knew.

Apparently, Renjun wasn’t the only one caught up in their thoughts. Seungmin gently pushed Renjun, bringing him back to reality, and saw that the line was moving. Renjun’s movements seemed to snap Lucas out of whatever he was thinking and move along.

“Sorry about that. You just reminded me of someone back at home,” Lucas casually explained, as they slowly started entering the auditorium.

Still feeling guilty about his rude behaviour a while ago, Renjun decided to indulge in conversation and ask, “Oh yeah? Who were they?”

Lucas smiled, remembering the adorable boy he used to crush on before he even understood the concept of crushes, and said, “He was a quiet kid like you. Never really liked interacting with people, but was always too polite to hurt someone.”

Renjun chuckled, “Yeah that sounds like me.”

Lucas looked at Renjun and laughed a bit, “You guys even have almost the same name!” 

Amused, Renjun asked, “What’s their name?”

“Injun!”

Renjun stopped in his tracks. The other Biology students walked past them, not knowing what was happening at that moment. To be fair, neither did Lucas.

“Renjun? What’s wrong? We’re going to be left behind,” Lucas stated worriedly and approached Renjun.

Renjun looked at Lucas dead in the eye and asked, “Yukhei?”


	5. Why, Hello Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Times like this, Renjun wished he had the confidence of a chaotic gay man like Ten, but he didn't. He just had to make do with his stuttering and socially inept self.

Unfortunately, the couldn’t talk once they got in the auditorium. After Yukhei’s second attempt at talking and being reprimanded by the officials that were roaming around, Renjun whispered, “Let’s talk later,” hoping that it would stop Yukhei from opening his mouth.

Thankfully it worked. Yukhei managed to stop himself from talking, but it didn’t do anything to alleviate his curiosity. Renjun could feel Yukhei glance at him far too often and fidget a bit too much but didn’t know what to do. He wanted to hold Yukhei’s hand and calm him down just like they did when they were kids but he resisted. They weren’t kids anymore. He didn’t have the right.

Once the dean said his goodbyes and dismissed everyone, Yukhei immediately grabbed Renjun by the hand and dragged him outside. On the way out, Renjun caught Jeno’s concerned gaze and mouthed to him, “It’s okay.”

At the sight of the sun, Renjun squinted a bit. Lucas has brought them right outside the auditorium and immediately asked, “Are you really Injun?”

Renjun saw the steady stream of students coming out from the orientation and said, “Yes, but let’s go somewhere more private.”

Lucas looked behind him and nodded in understanding. “Come on, I saw a bench near the garden.”

Renjun followed Lucas and tried to match the tall boy’s stride, while mentally preparing for whatever talk is about to happen. ( _ It’s hard being small okay) _

He knew that there will be a lot of emotions for sure, and he did not want to have his energy drained by the time he gets back to his friends. He is sure they will know that something was up and would be worried. As much as he loved being cared for by the people that he loved, he would rather not have them worried. 

Yuk-  _ Lucas _ , Renjun corrects himself, gently grabs Renjun’s hand and pulled him down the bench. It was only then that Renjun noticed that he has been standing in front of the bench for god knows how long and immediately takes a seat, face burning in embarrassment.

Just as Renjun was about to speak up, Lucas beat him to it, “That was such a boring orientation wasn’t it?”

“It was, but frankly, I think both of us were thinking of something else,” Renjun replied automatically.  _ Okay, small talk. I can do this. _

Lucas simply hummed in agreement and continued looking at the students passing by.

After a few minutes of silence, Renjun couldn’t take it anymore.  _ Screw it, the suspension is killing me _ . “Weren’t you gonna ask me something?”

Lucas looked at him, Renjun pointedly ignoring the way his own breath hitched, and gave a small smile. “I was, but if you are Injun, I know that you’re probably very overwhelmed right now and would need time to process what you’re feeling.”

If Renjun could cry right now, he would’ve.  _ Yukhei hasn’t changed at all. Crap, I mean Lucas. _

Instead, he opted to softly rub Lucas’ hand in hopes that he could convey how thankful he was for the tall man’s consideration.

“You can ask now,” Renjun assured.

Lucas mulled over a bit and settled on asking, “Are you really my Injun?”

Completely ignoring the use of my, Renjun answered, “Yes. I was in Shanghai when I was in 5th grade. Then I met this annoyingly persistent boy named Yukhei that always stayed beside me as I ate in the garden.”

If it was possible, Lucas smiled brighter than ever before and impulsively hugged Renjun, “It is you! I missed you so much!”

Renjun stiffened at the contact and awkwardly patted Lucas’ back as he said: “I, uh, missed you too.” 

Lucas eventually let go of Renjun and wiped something from his eyes. Renjun belatedly realized that he was wiping away tears. Panicked, Renjun didn’t know what to do and began rambling in panic, “I really did. You were my first friend, yanno? I mean I have some other friends right now and it’s great and all but-”

“I’m glad,” Lucas said, cutting Renjun off with his admittedly very embarrassing rant.

“Glad?” Renjun asked, wringing his hands anxiously, “Glad about what?”

Lucas flushed a bit and answered, “I’m glad you missed me.”

Renjun felt his face redden at those words as Lucas began to prattled on, “I mean, I’m glad that you made friends and everything. Really! Very proud of you! It’s just I-”

Lucas cut himself off after hearing his voice become more and more shrill as he went on. After a few seconds, Lucas ended his rant with a short sentence, “I’m just glad that you still remembered me.”

Renjun instinctively replied, “Of course I did. How could I forget you?”

Upon his admission, Renjun covered his mouth. Renjun was now full-on blushing at this point and kept his head low to avoid any scrutiny, completely unaware that Lucas was in a similar state.

The ringing of Renjun’s phone broke the silence between the two and Renjun quickly answered it, thankful for the distraction.

“ _ Where the hell are you?!”  _ came Jeamin’s loud voice, “ _ Jeno said you were dragged out of the building by some guy! Are you okay? It’s been 30 minutes!”  _

Renjun sighed, “I’m fine, Jaemin-ah. I’m just catching up with a friend. I’ll be in the cafeteria in a while.”

“ _ Uhh Renjun? You’re speaking in Chinese, I can’t understand you.” _

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t notice. I said that I’m fine. I’m just catching up with a friend and I’ll meet you in the cafeteria in a while,” Renjun replied in Korean. He was too caught up in Lucas’ presence that he didn’t even realize that he was speaking in Chinese.

“ _ Wait what? A friend? Since when-” _ Jaemin’s inquiry was left unanswered as Renjun abruptly ended a call. 

Renjun looked at Lucas’ confused expression and explained, “Sorry, that was my friend. They’re waiting for me for lunch.”

“Ahhh,” Lucas said, nodding in understanding.

“Well don’t let me hold you back. Go to your friends. We can talk again someday,” Lucas smiled, trying his best to mask his disappointment, but Renjun could see through it. He never was a good liar.

Renjun hesitated a bit before deciding, “Would you want to come and join us?”

The shock in Lucas’ face was comical and it vaguely reminded Renjun of a meme he saw a couple of days ago. 

“Really? Are you sure?” Lucas asked, excitement leaking into his voice.

Renjun nodded, “Of course. They wouldn’t mind.”

Lucas grinned and stood up, “Okay! Let’s go and meet Injun’s friends!”

Renjun smiled in amusement as he saw Lucas started walking towards the opposite direction of the cafeteria. Eventually, Renjun stood up and called out, “Yukhei! Come on! The cafeteria’s the other way!”

Lucas stopped and turned towards him. Renjun waited for Lucas to come back to him before they started walking. For some reason, the thought of Lucas meeting his friends gave Renjun butterflies in his stomach.

_ What if they don’t like him? What if Yukhei prefers them over him? What if he had to choose between Yukhei and the others? _

Renjun shook his head to dispel his thoughts.  _ It’s fine. Not everyone will get along with each other. Why am I even so worried about this? It’s not like I’m introducing my boyfriend or something. _

_ Wait what. _

Before Renjun could go to another mental panic and debate, he felts someone take his hand. A quick glance to his side tells him that it was Lucas, who was sporting a small smile.

“I can hear you thinking from here,” Lucas explained, “Do you think they have Chinese food here? I could really use some right now.” 

Lucas’ change of topic was so painfully obvious, but Renjun couldn’t find it in himself to mind. Instead, he answered, “I’m not sure if they do, but I bet they would have some.”

Lucas hummed in contemplation and said, “Well that’s alright. If there’s none, we can go out. I saw some outside campus.”

As Lucas continued to talk about Chinese food, Renju couldn’t help but think:  _ It would be nice to introduce him as my boyfriend. _


	6. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukhei meets the rest of the gang yay

“Hello everyone! My name is Lucas! I’m Renjun’s friend from China.”

Four pairs of eyes stared at Lucas. Jaemin and Donghyuck were staring at Lucas as if they analyzing him, while Jeno and Mark offered him a smile.

“Nice meeting you! I’m Mark! Renjun’s roommate,” Mark started.

“I’m Jeno! The one beside Mark is Donghyuck and this one is Jaemin,” Jeno continued, gesturing to the boy beside him.

Before Lucas could say, ‘ _ Nice to meet you all! Thank you for taking care of Renjun’, _ Jaemin asked, “How did you befriend Renjun?”

Jeno lightly smacked Jaemin and turned to Lucas, “I’m sorry for him. He’s a bit blunt sometimes.”

Instead of lashing out, Lucas smiled instead and replied, “No it’s fine. I understand.”

“Anyways, I met Renjun back in Shanghai when we were in 5th grade. I kept bothering him in hopes of being friends and I guess it worked?” Lucas explained, looking at Renjun for confirmation.

Renjun nodded, hoping to dispel his friends’, especially Donghyuck and Jaemin’s, doubts, “Yeah, that’s true. I was much more of a pain back then than I was when I met you guys.”

At Renjun’s statement, Jaemin’s scrutinizing gaze softened. “What do you mean you were worse?” Donghyuck asked in disbelief.

Renjun laughed, “Yeah, believe it or not. If you guys met me back then, I wouldn’t have even spared you guys a glance.” 

Donghyuck’s eyes widened comically and said, “That IS worse.”

Renjun grinned, “Yeah, I was a difficult kid.”

“But you were worth it,” Lucas unconsciously replied in Chinese, hand flying to his mouth in surprise at what he said.

Thankfully, Renjun was the only one in the table that understood. Unfortunately, Renjun was the only one in the table who understood. 

“What? What did he say? Why are you both blushing?” Jaemin interrogated, upon seeing the red dusting the cheeks of the two Chinese men. 

“Shut up! It wasn’t anything!” Renjun defended, getting even more flushed at Jeno and Mark’s knowing grins.

“What did you say?” Donghyuck opted to ask Lucas instead, completely ignoring Renjun’s horrified expression.

“Ya! Don’t bother him, you ass!” Renjun yelled, getting up to choke Donghyuck. 

“Hey wait! Why are you going to me? Jaemin started it!” Donghyuck defended, backing towards Mark.

“Because!” Renjun reasoned, before choking Donghyuck.

Everyone else laughed at the commotion between the two boys, effectively forgetting the conversation that had happened a few seconds ago. After a while, everyone has settled down and actually started leaving the table to find some stall to buy food from.

Renjun opted to stay behind to guard their table, Lucas volunteering to keep him accompanied. Renjun did not miss the wink that Jeno offered as they were leaving, but he did purposely ignore it.

“Your friends are nice,” Lucas said, once they were alone together.

Renjun sighed, “They could be such a pain in the ass though.”

Lucas’ laughter made Renjun smile. It has only been a few hours since they met again, but Renjun found himself smiling more often.  _ It’s like nothing changed. _

“I’m actually surprised you made friends,” Lucas confessed.

“Honestly, me too,” Renjun admitted. He debated whether or not to say what was on his mind, but with the honesty that Lucas has shown, decided  _ Why the heck not? _

“I mean, you helped me, so yeah, thanks,” Renjun said, inwardly cringing at how awkward and emotionally constipated he sounded, but to Lucas, it was adorable.

“Would it be okay if I be your friend again?” Lucas asked. It was a ridiculous question. Friendship should come naturally, but with Renjun, Lucas knew it was better to ask for confirmation rather than stressing himself thinking about it.

Without hesitation, Renjun replied, “Of course.”

It was the truth. Renjun honestly didn’t mind befriending Lucas all over again. It seemed like it was gonna fine and all good, but then Lucas smiled. And his goddamn heart did a flip.

_ Well shit, this is gonna be harder than I thought _ .


	7. Admitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun admits his feelings but ends up more freaked out about it. Thankfully, his friends are there to help him through it

It took approximately three weeks for Renjun to admit that he liked Lucas, and another two weeks to admit it to his friends.

“Finally!” Donghyuck exclaimed, flopping down Jeno’s bed dramatically.

They were in Jeno and Jaemin’s dorm right now with the purpose of interrogating Renjun. It has been a week of them pestering Renjun about his feelings until eventually, he gave up.

Renjun buried his face in his hands and groaned, “What do I do?”

“What do you mean what do you do? Confess!” Donghyuck exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I have to agree with Hyuckie here. That boy loves you, Junnie,” Jaemin helpfully supplied.

“I can’t do that!” Renjun frustratedly tried to explain.

“Are you scared he won’t like you?” Jeno asked.

“No- I’m not-” Renjun stuttered, “I’m not scared that he won’t like me back. If he doesn’t it’s fine, I can deal with that. I’m just...scared.”

Renjun hated the fact that he sounded so vulnerable and weak right now, but he couldn’t help it. It has only been a bit over a month and Renjun already felt so much for the tall Chinese man.

“What’s scaring you?” Jaemin softly prodded, moving to sit beside Renjun on the floor.

“I’m scared that I like him too much, okay?” Renjun admitted. He needed to let it out. It was getting too tiring to bottle everything up.

“I’m scared because he’s been changing me without even knowing it! I’ve befriended people in our Biology classes because he encouraged me so! Me! Befriending people! On my own will!” Renjun ranted, pointing at himself to exaggerate his point.

He looked at Jaemin, who now has taken Renjun’s free hand in an attempt to comfort the former, and said, “Jaemin-ah, I’ve never been like this. I’m actually going crazy.”

“I don’t think it’s bad,” Jaemin replied.

“Not bad? Not bad? Jaemin, he’s a man. It’s pretty fucking bad,” Renjun retorted. 

“He’s a good man, Junnie. He cares you,” Donghyuck quipped.

“I know that! We’re friends! But he makes me want to confess and shout out to the world!” Renjun exclaimed, feeling his heart pick up the pace just by the thought of confessing.

“Junnie, take a breath,” Jeno chided, rubbing small circles in Renjun’s back.

Renjun may be clouded with thoughts right now, but he knew well enough to listen to Jeno’s advice. Once he has calmed down, Jaemin said, “You’ll never know, Junnie. He might like you too.”

He sighed and replied, “So? If he likes me, what do I do? I can’t be the person he needs. He deserves so much more than me.”

“You don’t get to choose whether he deserves you or not. He’ll decide that for himself,” Donghyuck steadfastly replied.

“It’s...It’s so much more than Hyuck-ah,” Renjun exasperatedly said, “I don’t know how to love him.”

The silence from his three friends was enough for Renjun to continue, “I have never felt like this for someone before and I’m terrified of it. Yukhei doesn’t deserve that.”

It was only then did his friends actually understand Renjun’s hesitation and fear. “Okay, you know what, do you want to stay the night? It’s gonna be Saturday tomorrow anyway so there’s no harm done. We will cuddle all night and watch as many movies as we can until we fall asleep!” Jaemin asked.

Renjun nodded, letting out a meek, “Yes please.”

Though he was still hella scared and confused at what he’s feeling, the comfort that his friends gave, gave him hope that everything was gonna be alright. 

  
  
~

Renjun woke up to the smell of food wafting through the air. By the time he was fully awake, he noticed that Donghyuck was still clinging onto him while the two others were nowhere to be seen.

“Ya, Hyuck-ah wake up,” Renjun nudged.

All he got was a groan and a: “Five more minutes!”

Renjun sighed and untangled himself from Donhyuck’s hold, causing the latter to whine from the loss of heat.

“Meanie,” Donghyuck mumbled, to which Renjun replied with a cheeky smile.

They both got up and padded to the small kitchen. The scene that greeted him was unexpected.

“Kun ge?” Renjun asked in disbelief.

Everyone’s head snapped at the intrusion before a flash of blond hair flew to Renjun.

“Renjun ge! I missed you!” Chenle exclaimed, enveloping Renjun into a hug.

Renjun just laughed and hugged the little one, too happy that they’re here to care about upholding his reputation of being aloof.

“Hyuuuung! I’m here too!” came from a voice that sounded like Jisung’s.

Renjun pulled away and went to Jisung to playfully ruffle the younger’s head. 

“You brat, you don’t even call me anymore,” was the only warning Renjun got before he got lightly smacked in the arm.

Renjun turned around and was met with Sicheng’s playful gaze. “Ah sorry about that,” Renjun replied, clearly not sorry.

“What are you guys doing here anyway?” Renjun asked.

“Jeno Hyung texted us and invited us all over!” Chenle cheerfully exclaimed.

Renjun looked at Jeno, who just gave him a sheepish smile. It was clearly Jeno’s way of trying to cheer Renjun up and he couldn’t say that it wasn’t working.

“We had to go to you guys because you’re all busy,” Sicheng complained.

“Shouldn’t you be busy? You’re working aren’t you?” Donghyuck retorted.

“Yah! You brat come here!” Sicheng said, but before he could do anything, Kun stopped him.

“If you guys aren’t going to help me cook, get out of the kitchen!” Kun yelled.

Everyone but Renjun and Sicheng left in a hurry. Everyone knew that Kun was not to be messed with, especially in the kitchen.

“What are you making?” Renjun asked, easily slipping into Chinese.

“Some stir fry and chicken. You can help me out with the chicken. Sicheng go make some fried rice,” Kun instructed.

“Yes, master!” Sicheng and Renjun replied at the same time, causing them to look at each other and burst out in laughter.

Kun simply rolled his eyes and went back to cooking, the other two following his instructions.

After a while, Renjun decided to ask, “So why are you guys really here?”

Kun and Sicheng shared a look before Kun said, “Jeno said that you needed comfort and he hoped that we could give you some advice.”

“Completely dumb to ask us if I may say so myself. None of us have really experienced many things in life,” Sicheng joked as an effort to lighten the mood but was only met with a smack from Kun.

“We’ll help as much as we can if you like,” Kun smiled comfortingly.

A sigh escaped Renjun’s lips at the thought of reliving the distress but he figured that he needed an outsider’s view of things.

“I like this guy but I don’t know how to deal with it,” Renjun summarized, focusing on cutting up the vegetables.

“What do you do when you see him? When you talk to him?” Kun asked, trying to know more about the situation.

Renjun stopped in his actions and thought for a while. “I.. don’t know. I think I just act and imagine him as a friend? I don’t like the feeling of nervousness I get when I’m around him you see.” 

“Well there you go,” Sicheng said.

Renjun looked at Sicheng, who was still busy making the fried rice. “What do you mean?”

“How do you know how to deal with your feelings if you don’t let yourself feel them?” Sicheng asked, sparing a glance at the younger.

“I -I do!” Renjun stuttered before clearing his throat and continuing, “I do feel my feelings! I think about it all the time and it’s driving me crazy.”

“Then don’t think. Let yourself feel what you feel for him,” Kun said.

“It’s terrifying to feel, ge” Renjun muttered softly, hating how weak his voice is getting.

“It is,” Kun agreed, “But it’s better to feel your feelings rather than driving yourself crazy with thinking too much.”

“But ge, thinking helps me make decisions. I want to make proper decisions instead of jumping headfirst in things,” Renjun retorted.

“That’s a fair way to view things, but you need to find a balance,” Sicheng quipped.

“What is it you want to know about liking someone?” Kun suddenly asked.

“What?” Renjun smartly replied.

“You said that you like thinking about things first before you make a decision right? So what do you want to know about liking someone before you decide what to about it?” Kun explained. 

Renjun never thought of it that way and the more that he did, the more he could only settle on, “How do I love him?”

“Love?” Sicheng asked, surprised at the admission. 

“Renjun… do you love him?” Kun prodded carefully.

“I-I think I do,” Renjun murmured before going into a tirade, “Which is insane because it’s only been over a month and I’m already feeling like this! It’s such a short amount of time and yet here I am! What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Sicheng firmly declared, making the other two whip their heads towards his direction.

“There’s no set time for love. If it happens, it happens,” Sicheng continued, unwavering in his stance.

Turning off the stove and looking Renjun straight in the eye, Sicheng questioned, “There’s only one way to know if it’s love or not. Why do you love him?”

“I-I don’t know,” Renjun stammered, flustered at Sicheng’s tenacity.

“His laugh? When he laughs the world becomes brighter I guess?” Renjun tried answering but wasn’t satisfied enough before he began babbling.

“He’s just so beautiful. Like, god took extra time sculpting this man and  _ god _ I’m so weak for it. He also has such a beautiful personality like, I’m not joking. He is one of the kindest souls I have ever met and it makes me want to protect him at all costs even though I know he can defend himself very well. He’s just so- He-” 

At Renjun’s shrillness and anxiety, Kun was about to calm him down but Sicheng shook his head. Renjun needed to process his emotions verbally for the truth to come out. 

“He’s just him,” Renjun eventually blurted out. His words causing realization to sink in, “I love him because he’s him.”

“That’s love, dear,” Sicheng confirmed. Feeling overwhelmed, Renjun went to Sicheng and hugged him tightly as a few tears escaped his eyes.

“Oh my god ge, I actually love him. I don’t know  _ how _ to love him!” Renjun cried out, his voice muffled by the fabric of Sicheng’s shirt.

Sicheng lovingly petted Renjun’s head and whispered to him, “You don’t learn how to love someone immediately. It takes time.”

Renjun sniffled, “But I don’t want to hurt him or me.”

“You can’t help being hurt in a relationship,” Renjun hear Kun say, “I mean look at me and Sicheng.”

Sicheng chuckled at Kun’s statement and added, “That’s true. We’re friends and all but the amount of times we’ve made each other cry is a lot, and you know what Junnie? I still love him, even if it sometimes is Kun’s fault.”

Renjun giggled at Sicheng’s last sentence, causing a grin to grace both Sicheng and Kun’s face.

“But in all seriousness Junnie, you don’t know immediately learn to love someone. You learn it on the way,” Sicheng assured.

“Just like your friends. Didn’t you learn how to love them?” Kun asked.

“You’re right…” Renjun answered, pulling away from Sicheng. He understood, but he still needed some time to think. What does he do now?

Seeing the look of concentration in Renjun’s face, Sicheng and Kun made a silent agreement.

“Alright, you need to go leave the kitchen. We’ll take over here,” Kun said, slowly shooing Renjun away. They both knew that Renjun needed time to process and think, so it was better to let him deliberate.

Renjun nodded and walked towards the living room/bedroom to where he was met with chaos. Apparently, Jisung brought over monopoly and both Donghyuck and Chenle were fighting with Jeno over some property.

Renjun chose to sit beside Jaemin and watched as Jeno activated his charming smile to appease the situation. 

“You okay?” Jaemin muttered softly.

“Yeah, just need some time to think,” Renjun quickly replied. 

Jaemin nodded and rubbed Renjun’s knee, “We’re here when you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” Renjun smiled hoping that he conveyed just how grateful he was to them. The smile in Jaemin’s face made Renjun want to believe it did.

_ So, now what do I do? _

  
  



	8. One Step At A Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukhei and Renjun being getting their shit together and deciding that they would rather go through shit together than hiding away from it.

Turns out, Renjun didn’t have enough time to settle on a decision before he was confronted by Lucas. It was a week after Kun and Sicheng’s visit that it happened.

They were sitting on their bench and it was weirdly quiet. Normally, they would talk about their day or whatever they had in mind, but that day, Lucas could only reply in short sentences.

“Are you okay?” Renjun inquired for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Injun. I just need to telly ou something,” Lucas said before taking a deep breath and looking at Renjun in the eyes. He was determined, his eyes steeled with fervor.

“I like you.” 

Renjun felt his heart stop at the proclamation, but Lucas remained oblivious to it as he continued on, “I’ve always had a crush on you and I thought that was just it. I don’t know if I ever did stop liking you but I do know that when you left, I was sad for months. I missed you a lot but I was so happy that we remained in contact.”

“Of course when we stopped talking, I understood and just continued on living. I think that’s how I started having such a fascination in Korea and ended up living here but then,” he paused, “then I met you again.”

“It was fate. I couldn’t help but think we were meant to be and my feelings came back stronger than before I think I love you. I know it’s rash and probably a dumb proclamation but you just make it  _ so _ easy for me to fall in love.”

“I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I can’t keep it in anymore,” Lucas finished a bit out of breath.

A minute passed and Renjun still hasn’t replied. Lucas’ face fell and took the silence as rejection. “I-I’m sorry about this. I’ll just go now. I hope we can still be friends,” Lucas stuttered out trying his best to keep his emotions in check.

Before he could leave though, Renjun gripped his wrist and muttered, ”Wait.”

Lucas obliged, furiously trying to will his tears away but was unsuccessful in doing so. He kept his head down, hoping that Renjun wouldn’t see. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t speaking. It takes me some time to process things,” Renjun meekly explained.

“It’s okay,” Lucas reassured, cursing himself for the quiver in his voice.

“I just, I don’t know what to do okay?” Renjun continued, clasping his hands hoping to bring down the anxiety he was feeling.

“You can reject me, it’s fine. We can still be friends,” Lucas replied steadily this time, mentally high fiving himself at keeping calm.

“No! I- I don’t want to reject you,” Renjun quickly said.

Lucas’ head snapped up, “What?”

“I feel the same way too,” Renjun admitted, his cheeks reddening at an alarmingly fast rate.

“Y-You do? Are you sure?” Lucas asked, looking at Renjun’s face for confirmation.

“I do. I’m very sure,” Renjun declared trying his best to look Lucas in the eye. 

The smile that Lucas gave was by far the most beautiful one that Renjun has seen. It wasn’t the bright, blinding one that he gives people but it was reserved. It was tender. It was for Renjun.

“You love me too?” Lucas asked.

Feeling brave, Renjun held Lucas’ hands and said, “Yes, I love you too.”

Overcome with joy, Lucas pulled Renjun into a hug and whispered more to himself, “Is this real?”

Renjun chuckled, “It is.”

“Does that mean we’re boyfriends now?” Lucas asked excitedly as he pulled away to look at Renjun.

“I-I don’t know? I’m honestly still scared of this and I’m not sure if I can love you properly,” Renjun hastily replied, his fear kicking in.

“That’s okay. We don’t have to put a label on it. All I know is that I love you and you love me, right?” Lucas brushed it off easily. All Lucas cared about right now is the fact that the boy that has been in his mind since he took the entrance exams - that same boy, is in love with him too.

Renjun sighed in relief at Lucas’ response, “Yes. Thank you very much for doing this. I know I’m such a pain in the ass, but really, thank you.”

Lucas shook head and cupped Renjun’s cheeks, “You’re not a pain at all. Thank  _ you  _ for loving someone like  _ me _ .”

“Are you kidding? How could I not fall in love with you?” Renjun remarked, making Lucas laugh giddily.

“Thank you,” Lucas responded, staring intently at Renjun’s eyes. They stayed like that for a while before Lucas whispered, “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Renjun breathed out before lips were on his. Kissing Lucas felt like coming home. That was the best he could describe it. It just felt right, and for once, Renjun didn’t think. For once, he let himself feel.

When they parted, both Renjun and Lucas were breathless. “Wow,” was all Renjun could say.

“Wow indeed,” Lucas repeated, too enamored by Renjun’s flushed face to care about looking like an idiot.  _ I did that. I made Injun feel that  _ Lucas thought to himself.

“I can’t believe I just did that. I just kissed Huang Renjun,” Lucas gushed to himself, forcing Renjun to stop himself from looking like a tomato.

“Oh my god stop,” Renjun whined in embarrassment, burying his face on the crook of Lucas’ Lucas’ next. The latter had the audacity to giggle at the mess that Renjun became.

“I won’t stop until you kiss me again,” Lucas teased.

“Bye, I’m going to Jaemin,” Renjun huffed pulling away and standing up, feigning his departure.

“I’m joking, I’m joking,” Lucas said, grabbing the back of Renjun’s shirt and pulling him back down to give the younger a peck on the cheek.

Renjun flushed at the gesture and was about to retort when a sudden thought came to his head.

“What is it?” Lucas asked, seeing the shift in Renjun’s expression.

“Jaemin,” was all Renjun said.

“What about Jaemin?”

“I..I’m not ready for them to know,” Renjun admitted.

“It’s not like I’m ashamed of you or anything. Quite the contrary, I would love to show you off and tell the world that I love but,” Renjun hesitated, “I want to love you on my own before everyone knows.”

Lucas took Renjun’s hand and briefly admired how perfect they fit together before saying, “I understand. It’d be nice to figure things out by ourselves first before letting other people know wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah! That’s it!” Renjun enthusiastically agreed. 

Lucas smiled and kissed Renjun’s knuckles, “Let’s take it one step at a time, yeah?”

And for Renjun, who thought too much, that sentence alone almost made him cry. 

“Yeah, I like the sound of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the end!!! I know this as kinda off and weird but I just really wanted to write it. And i'm so sorry if I ended up misrepresenting Renjun but I just felt like out of everyone, Renjun was the most suitable. And yes, I did project onto him, so I hope you guys forgive me for that.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed!


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